


Conquest

by ChokolatteJedi



Series: Slaps That Never Happened [2]
Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Anger, Cheating, Face Slapping, Gen, Photographs, Photoshop, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Yuletide, Yuletide New Year's Resolutions Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney shows Marshall and Ted photos of his newest conquest</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conquest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [r_lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_lee/gifts).



"Are you serious?"

Barney snorted. "Serious as a deep fried antelope with mint jelly."

"What does that even mean?" Ted muttered.

But Marshall just gaped at Barney, then at the photos he held, and then back at the man he had considered a friend. "You did not do this."

"Oh, I did!" Barney crowed.

"You didn't!"

"I did. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

Marshall's vision began to glaze over in anger and his breathing sped up. "You- you- you-"

"Woah, calm down, Marshall," Ted's voice sounded so far away in his ears.

"You- you and Lily…"

"Hey, it's not my fault she finally wanted a piece of the Barn-man," Barney's words were coming through far too clearly. "What's a big-handed macho man like you gonna do about it? Slap me?"

Yes. Marshall felt his arm moving on its own volition. He had every right to slap the ever-loving spirit out of this man, and by god he was going to.

"Wait a minute, I recognize her!" Ted's voice halted him mid swing, and a little of the smugness left Barney's face.

"What?"

"This girl, she's the one you were trying to pick up two nights ago!" Ted poked the picture vigorously. "I remember, because I remember thinking that she looked a lot like Lil- wait! I know! You photoshopped this, didn't you!"

Barney's smirk shrunk. "What? Ch, no!"

"Yes, yes yes," Ted replied gleefully. "I remember. And I remember because you mentioned the monkey!"

"That's not Lily?" Marshall felt the blood rushing away from his ears as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.

"Wait, was this whole thing an elaborate plot to get yourself slapped?" Ted continued. "Why would you do that?"

And suddenly, it all became clear to Marshall. "Because anticipation is worse than pain. He's waiting for the next slap, and its killing him."

Barney was frozen, like a dear in the headlights, and Marshall realized that he had forgotten something very important about the slap-bet. There was no reason he had to waste a slap when he had other options. Barney had gone below the belt on this one, and he deserved to suffer.

Moving unexpectedly, he slugged Barney in the stomach. "Don't you ever pretend to screw around with my wife again, Stinson," he growled.


End file.
